Wahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss my sister and she hasn’t even left yet.

I live on the East Coast. She is smack in the middle of the Bible Belt, only a few days away from trekking her way to Oregon. There she will be in a different time zone, in a different environment, with different people. And though we are now in different time zones, in different environments, and with different people, we are still connected. Very much so. And I’m scared that her move will abort that connection. And that fear is making me burst out in tears at random moments in the day. Which is very inconvenient. Especially if I am wearing mascara.

My sister is awesome. I admire her, in one way, because her being is embodied by adventure. Whether it was deciding at 17 to join the Army against my parent’s strong protests, or running for a student body position at college where she virtually knew no one, or giving up a cushy job to work for a dot com for peanuts, or living in Thailand in a hut and taking up Muay Thai, or constantly working against the grain of societal norms, assumptions, and rules, I am in awe of the things she does. My sister is the queen undertaker of the unconventional. Her bravery challenges me.

She is also intuitive and smart. When I am running the gamut of bubbling emotions, my sister is my calming equilibrium. She is refreshingly adept at guiding me toward a change of perspective, a new way of thinking, to get me through whatever I need getting through.

And even though we have lived in different states for the last three years and have been distanced by countries at times, I feel her move to Oregon means she is pulling herself further away from me. Though, deep down, I know this is not true. I believe in my sister and want the best for her. But the selfish part of me is screaming out for her to move to NJ and stay with me. I want to put her in my pocket and keep her with me forever. But that is just dumb.

You know what? I’m just gonna miss her. And deep down inside, all this fear and missing and thinking and sadness is just fluff on top of the real issue. I just don’t want Viv to forget me. Ever.